How to unblock yourself & become more present
A lot of new-age thinking asks us to 'Be in the Now'.
The past seems to have a bad rep. It's low vibe. It's old fashioned. It seems somehow to suggest that admission or reflection on what 'was', is weak, fragile or reflects your inability to be a fully formed human. Which by the way is all #BS.
You know the spiel, it goes along the lines of:
'Let it all go.'
‘The only moment we have is now’
'The only truth is here in this moment.'
'Bring your mind back from the past, don't let it wander into the future, be here now.'
Most mindfulness traditions encourage being present to what is, not what was/ might have/ or could have been.
It's not the instructions that are in and of themselves an issue.
It's just that for many, they are offering surface-level solutions to what requires our more considered attention and a more in-depth process.
So when these sorts of instructions are administered to us, and we are simply meant to become them through intention alone, it's unsurprising that for many (including myself), being 'in the now' feels impossible.
It doesn't mean we should bin the concept all together either… While there might be a few things (hurdles) that we need to clear, it is more than possible to experience and cultivate presence and mindfulness, even if only for moments at a time.
** I should mention that I'm deliberately (sorta over-doing) the barrier and limitations… For some of us - as it was for my less experienced self - meditation can feel like a wrong-sized shoe that will never quite fit. But don't fret -I'm here to champion your capacity for inner stillness and let you know that it can and does evolve!
Actually, many of the women I work with 1:1, or through courses and workshops have experienced powerful potential in their bodies and significant breakthroughs in their capacity to be in 'the now'.
In fact all have successfully found some expression of calm and connection during our time together, despite being in the midst of chaotic or stressful circumstances.
The reason I err on the side of progress-as-baby steps is to allow for the wide-ranging truth of our development and growth.
Sometimes change happens as important micro-movements and/or excitingly, it can also be experienced as Big Leaps forward.
I offer you all this context because my journey to becoming ever more present and mindful took a bit of a detour - mostly for reasons which have since become juicy, potent gifts from which I can draw knowledge from and support my community.
I've long since made my peace with that, and I'm not regretful and less and less resentful (hey I'm human too!).
What the long road offered me, however, has become an essential part of my teaching. It also confirmed for me, firsthand, the difference between making progress with access and support to knowledge (i.e. community and mentors), versus stumbling blindly in the dark, without little more than will and determination to propel you forward.
What I know for sure (love this phrase- thanks Lady O) is that where we focus our attention during the process of exploring our inner world during change/challenge/ transformation, will be the difference between actual progress - a shift that is embodied and moves you forward in your life - and getting stuck in a cul-de-sac of over-analysis, self-judgement and re-wounding.
I spent too much time and energy in the wrong part of the change and healing process.
Partly because my younger nature was ripe with impatience, ambition and forcefulness to 'get there' and be done with the work of caring and resolving my pains and challenges. But mostly it was because the self-development model I was a surrounded by and indoctrinated into practised a philosophy of 'bypassing' the heart of the matter (I'll be speaking more about bypassing soon).
This approach - to leave it in the past and let-it-go - wasn't utterly terrible advice.
In theory, it's great and rational and makes sense. No one needs a psych degree to know that dwelling and ruminating on history (that can't be changed) is unproductive. But equally, not dealing with something that continues to intrude on your present-day thoughts and emotions is just as unhelpful.
So what's the answer then?
Well for me, and for women that seek to feel empowered in their lives, and transform challenges into possibility - the remedy is to allow the unresolvedness (sense, feeling or memory) to finally have its day in the sun.
Yes. You read it correctly. Give it the attention it is so clearly begging for.
Like the little puppy nibbling at your ankle - or perhaps the big wolf starring you down - it won't leave you alone until it needs have been satisfied.
How do can we satisfy these intrusions? Well that depends entirely upon the nature of the experience that is loitering in your (un)consciousness.
You see each experience has it's own process/demands for resolution: much like a physical illness will need a different medical response or medicine.
The exact prescription, or medicine, is entirely dependent on you and your needs (I write more on the concept of finding, implementing and receiving your 'own medicine' soon!).
You might choose to be supported in session with a mentor like me, a therapist, through self-reflective journaling, or do work in a safe and respectful community setting (perhaps through the process of The Artist's Way Circle).
Ultimately, the method will only be as effective as its capacity to truly allow the fullness of your past issue to be witnessed, untangled and eventually, accepted.
The power of bringing the issue into focus cannot be underestimated.
By allowing ourselves time and space and opportunity for these shadowed aspects of our experience to be fully seen and heard, we diminish its charge and power.
I've witnessed it time and time and again with my clients and know this to be my very own truth.
When we become radically intimate with our challenges in gentle and compassionate ways, and in our own time, we literally step into presence.
This is when we embody and become 'the now'.
The beauty of this approach is that the more we choose to acknowledge and address the past as it shows up in our present, the greater our skill and capacity for mindfully being.
I hope this helps and would love to hear your thoughts, dear one. Leave a comment below or email me!
