I’ve been crying a lot these past months. Heck, today I wailed. On and off. a Spontaneous combustions of tears.
Sometimes the outpouring is triggered by the endless images of natural devastation. Sometimes by acts of heroism, or kindness, or hope offered by everyday folks doing whatever they can to lessen the burden and support those in need.
Mostly I’m crying because I’m human. But also because I’m on an emotional precipice. My grief is like a big gloopy soup pot that’s moving between a gentle simmer and bubbling, boiling over, and back to simmering.
And it’s all OK (not the natural disaster bit, the emotions bit) and exactly as it should be.
Emotions are meant to surface. Our emotions are energy in motion, and through feeling and moving and processing and releasing them, they complete their life-cycle.
Each time I’ve broken down and wept, it was followed by surprising relief, because in the aftermath of the tears - you know the bit where you take a deeper breath and return to a sense of composure - I’ve also felt and observed a softening in my body. It’s as though the watershed offered a releasing and cleansing, and that gave space for my whole nervous system to relax. Like a deep exhale of the breath I had unconsciously been holding, my body had received a profound relief that was only possible through the permissive shedding of tears. It felt bloody good — a bit like post-orgasm, body-bliss, euphoria.
As for what to do, and how to be free of ‘all the grief’ while disasters rages and ravishes land, animals, and our spirit…? I don’t have answers, or at least I have answers for myself, and you will have your own.
What I do know is that just like the hyper-aggressive materialisation of the 2019/2020 summer season in Australia, our emotional state (and whole being) experiences life and events cyclically. We can grieve and ritualise our sadness at one point, but a memory, anniversary date, or passing conversation can bring us right back to the centre of our suffering in a heartbeat.
And for the most part, that is precisely as it should be.
Denying the depths of our experience in times of need is perilous.
Our body, already in a state of high activation, is stressed and suffering. The nervous system is on high alert, and sense or reasoning is often futile once our reptilian brain centre is activated.
The most sympathetic course of action at this time is to ride the wave of our emotion and let the spontaneous response within emerge.
When we ignore the ‘what is’ of our experience, we diverge from our reality: we cause a split in our experience, becoming disconnected from our truth.
Our mind scrambles to override the chaos and make sense of the energy schism, but it cannot reconcile while the brain and the body pull in opposite directions.
This experience is not only a painful abandoning of ourselves in a time demanding attention and care, but it is also an unconscious neglect that compounds the confusion and suffering in the mind-body.
Sometimes what we are enduring is too painful for words. It is precisely in those times that the body can provide us a safe vehicle for transmuting the unspeakable and ultimately provide relief and refuge from mounting tension and stress.
What we need at this time is to feel and sense and inhabit our humanity.
Wherever and however you are at this time, be soft and gentle with yourself.
Tenderness and compassion and patience for our unravelling is love balm we so desperately need right now.
In time you will become notified again and ready to use this deepth of feeling as fuel for the action needed for change and transformation.
And if you want to share or if what’s written here is resonant, I’m here - message me, dear one.
In the meantime, love and kindness…
E x
